I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
