There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize