and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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