..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
