she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
