i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
