my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
