There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
