At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize