At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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