Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
