Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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