i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
