Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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