You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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