They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
