So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
