You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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