I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
