Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
