please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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