just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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