he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
