do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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