Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
