So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
