he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
