OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
as a side note pls kill me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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