smell my finger.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
