just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
