Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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