people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
