That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
