Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
