We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
