It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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