So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
