BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize