That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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