Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
