It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will pee on everything he values.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
