I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
