why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I won the penis lottery.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
