found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were trust falling into bushes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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