before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
