I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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