Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
