I CAN MOONWALK!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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