it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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