I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
