Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
