Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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