I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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