i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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