it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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