i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
