Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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