i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
that's an acceptable place to lick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize