I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
