So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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