omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
