In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
