I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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