my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this just has baby written all over it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found puke in my bra..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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