he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
